5 Reasons Why You Need to Pay Attention to the Hard Work of Listening

photo courtesy of wealhtheow1

Children’s author Sarah Pennypacker has crafted a hilarious, heroic, and curious character of Clementine who captures the hearts of all who share a creative mind, desire to do well fueled by a bit of mischief.  Through the three-book series, Clementine shares examples of how the adults in her life just don’t believe she listens.

“Clementine! You need to pay attention!” the art teacher said one more time.  And just like other times, I was paying attention.  I was paying attention to Margaret’s empty seat.. when she left, she had scrunched-up don’t cry eyes and a pressed-down don’t cry mouth….”

Taken from Clementine by Sarah Pennypacker. Read more about Clementine at Sarah Pennypacker’s website.

Besides hitting home to six to eight year old readers, Sarah Pennypacker also gives adults a literary wink-wink-nudge-nudge as she reminds us that we often don’t think children are listening when they are really making astute observations of their world.

After all, listening is hard.  How many adults do you know are honestly good listeners?  Seriously.  It’s a tough task and most of us multi-task without even knowing we’re doing it.  Why do we expect kids to listen without explicit modeling, practice and affirmation for their good intentions and attempts?

Following directions, acquiring information, avoiding danger, and learning about the world are just a few of the ways children use listening as part of everyday life.  Below are five reasons you really need to pay attention to the requisite skills and on-going efforts involved in listening for both you and your little ones.

1. Listening skills are critical to developing language and learning. From infancy, children listen to family members and caregivers and then begin to model their language. Listening is also critical to learning to read. Children must discriminate individual sounds before they can put letter sounds together to build words.

Educators have long known that listening and paying attention affect a child’s success in school.   The ability to listen and remember affects a child’s ability to learn throughout all curriculum areas. Listening skills begin developing early. At birth, babies turn their heads toward comforting sounds – research with ultrasound indicates that infants hear and respond to sounds while they are still in the womb.

2. Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing is a physical process in which sound waves create vibrations that are transmitted as nerve impulses to the brain.  Listening is more complex. Listening includes hearing as well as the mental processes of interpreting and absorbing message and storing and retrieving information. Hearing is a sense most people are born with, but listening is a learned behavior. Which leads me to the next point…

3. Listening is a learned skill, honed throughout life.  Listening skills do not develop automatically, as Florence Grunkemeyer states in her article in Business Education Forum (1992), “Effective listening is a communication skill that must be taught to and nurtured among our students.” As educators and caregivers, we can provide many opportunities to promote listening skills in our classroom. “Learning to listen is a prerequisite to listening to learn.” All adults have a responsibility to model and show children what this means. In my room, it means we use “our ears, eyes and hearts” to listen to the speaker.  It’s tough, but after just 10 weeks of school, most of my preschoolers are doing this for a good chunk of the morning.

Here’s what “listening” means to some of us:

“ya use these!” (tugs ears)

“when you do what your mom or parents tell you to do something”

“when someone says STOP and you STOP!”

And why listen?

“cuz listening is our thing”

“So we can play…play with everything!”

“To find our class”

“To hear outside”

4. Listening is all in the family. Listening helps children to play an active role in their families, their classes and in school.  Answering a phone, helping out at home and bringing things into class are all valuable tasks for young children, helping them to feel good about themselves and preparing them for greater independence and responsibility.  Listening is vital in developing relationships with others. Listening to others helps children to work together, to learn how their behaviors affects others, and to share each other’s feelings.  Some children find it hard to think about anything outside themselves.  Others, like Clementine, exhibit true empathy when observing and listening to others.

5. When children feel like they are listen to, and can listen to others, it builds their self-confidence. Being listened to helps children’s self esteem and enables them to be open and express their feelings.  It helps them to develop an understanding and knowledge of themselves as individuals.  It helps them feel appreciated, connected and valued by the folks they care about the most – their family!  How often to you listen, really listen, to your child?  I know I fall short of that far more often than I care to admit!

Now if you are really serious about better listening, here’s some homework.

• Think about Clementine for a few minutes. Maybe your child is paying attention – to something else.  Join them in that something else and see where it goes. Perhaps there is a connection or there may be something else important that only they notice. Or maybe it’s that you aren’t really sure how to listen to what they are telling you.  Provide other opportunities to model and reinforce solid listening skills. Acknowledge when they use those skills.

• Do a little self-assessment: Do you really know how to listen? What do you value as a speaker? As a listener? How can you break it down into single steps so it’s a manageable task? Can you economize in the words you use?
• Looking for inspiration to be a better listener? Check out Story Corp for incredible stories that arise when folks listen to others.  Also check out Howard Wigglebottom Learns to Listen and the site We Do Listen for resources.

I urge you to think about listening and make some minor modifications in how you listen and how you model and teach listening to your children.  We can all do a better job of listening. When we really do listen, there are stories, knowledge, wonder and joy to be had by both the speaker and the listener.

Got something to say on the topic? I’ll listen if you leave a comment below.

 

6 Things Parents and Teachers Need to Remember About Parent-Teacher Conferences

Who are these learners and how do we support them?

My week was spent thinking about what a tough job it is to raise kids, and teaching them (or doing both!) What an amazing opportunity we have to work and be with kids each day.  Even though I wouldn’t change this gig for anything, I do love the days when we get to sit and talk with parents.  Those conversations are not always easy, but they are always, always valuable! They produce benefits for the child and for the adults as we share our observations, admiration and hopes for these young learners.

Often participants  are focused on their own agenda or worries that it is easy to forget why we are there – to work together to move the child forward in his or her development. Before these conversations can truly begin, there is some groundwork that really needs to be covered.  After scads of conferences, there are 6 basic premises we all need to keep in mind as we engage in these conversations throughout the year.

A sort of “preamble” to the declaration of development that each child makes along with their forefathers and foremothers.

1. Children are strong and capable. Children are innately strong, capable, curious, and ready to engage with their environment and others.  Sometimes we have to look hard to see these strengths and other times, it oozes out of them. Sometimes what appears to be a deficit is really our issue, not theirs. When we look at children from positive, growth perspective,  we are better positioned to help them move forward.  Expect good things, look for strengths and share ways you see the child as capable and competent.  Much easier to work on goals, good habits, and emerging skills when you can play off strengths.
2. We’re all working hard.  I’ve never met a parent who isn’t working hard on a number of levels.  Ditto for teachers.  We get busy, but our hearts are in the same place (the child).  We may waiver or let priorities slip, but we’re here to help each other stay on course.   Accept nothing less than a sense of partnership which is held up by respect, shared purpose, and trust.  Remind each other and support each other when necessary; reaffirm the goals and efforts by each party.
3. Trust takes time to develop. Hopefully by October we’ve had a chance to meet a few times. Ask questions. Engage in dialogue. Whether it’s in person, email or phone, most good teachers take time to lay the groundwork for a relationship with parents. If it hasn’t happened yet with your child’s teacher, take the bold step and reach out to your child’s teacher.   Believe that you both have your child’s best interest at heart and know that your child’s teacher has years of training and expertise. Parents bring so much to the table as their child’s first teacher, so speak up and share.  Teachers have the perspective of child development, curriculum and seeing children in the context of peers.  Feed off each others strengths to move your child forward.
4. Honest talk helps. Teachers try to talk about observable behaviors and patterns of behaviors which help us identify strengths and growing edges and to see where children are in their development.   They also help us find solutions to problems or ways to challenge kids.  Don’t be shy about conveying what drives you nuts!  Teachers can offer strategies or hone in on similar behaviors in class so you can work in concert to change that behavior or modify expectations.  Focus the conversation on the problem or behavior, not about how difficult a child “always is.”  Blaming, getting angry, arguing doesn’t move the child forward either.  Hollow praise or generalizations don’t foster trust or understanding.  If a problem is identified, accept that the conference might simply be the start of the problem solving stage.
5. Active listening pays off. Make sure you are listening, not simply hearing.  You may need to vent, but listen to the observations shared.  Convey your concerns in the form of “I statements,” such as “when my child comes home and doesn’t share about her day, I feel at a lost… I wonder what she is really doing.” This is more effective than, “My child never tells me about school…she must be unhappy.”  If a teacher offers observations or strategies for home and/or school, paraphrase those back to ensure you’ve got a clear handle on the plan. If necessary, jot down some notes or follow up within the week to make sure everyone is on the same page.
6. Conferences take time. Nobody likes to wait nor run late.  I’m always antsy when the pediatrician is running late, but when he sits down with my family and really listens and takes his time, I’m comforted, reassured, grateful.  Ditto with conferences.    Sometimes these conversations take longer than the allotted time, but it’s important we stay focused an listen to each other, while still respecting the schedule and other people’s time.  If you feel rushed or have questions, ask for a follow up meeting or call.

Childhood is fleeting and children are all gifted in their own ways.  Take the time to look honestly and thoughtfully about their strengths and what they communicate about themselves, their interests, and their environment. If we are doing our best each day, including following best practices, understanding child development, and knowing each child, adults have the awesome responsibility to show children the joy in learning, relationships and their own gifts as human beings.   A thoughtful and open partnership between parents and teachers is essential to move children, the class and the school program forward.  Do your part to communicate with clarity, honesty and empathy. And remember, you’re your child’s best advocate and valuable partner to with his/her teacher.

 

Nature Rocks…Nature Soothes

Elk, Estes Park

We all lead busy lives.  We know some down time benefits our bodies and souls, especially those of children.  But how to catch some of that down time?

By now, we are adapting to the routines and pace of school.  Most of us – big and small – are tired.  Many of us have fall colds or flu.  It’s time to take a breather and slow down, even while calendars and lists make us feel otherwise.

While many tasks and people who required our time and care this weekend, our family managed to make some time to wander outdoors in the gorgeous Rockies.  I was torn between letting everyone slug-out their colds on the couch or nudging them up and out the door. The privilege of being able to do so weighed heavy on my mind.  How could we pass this up? Isn’t this the type of outdoor experience which yields the type of positive energy that will help our physical, mental and spiritual health?  We had to seize the opportunity. Armed with tissues and water bottles, off we went through Roosevelt National Forest for a quick visit to see the elk.

The to-do lists will be there tomorrow and they may be even longer. Our brains and our kids’ brains need down time to consolidate.  We cannot keep piling more on top without some quiet reflection.  Our children need us fully present for more than a few moments at a time. We all need time to wander, watch, wonder.  To be. To inhale. To exhale. Some of us manage to do this with our children daily, others weekly or monthly.  We don’t need national parks or destination spots to call us outdoors.  Our yards, neighborhoods, local parks meet the same needs when we let them.  And we should be “letting them” on a regular basis.  It really benefits our kids to get some solid outdoor time every day – with or without us.  It’s hard to accomplish, but when you look at the research, it’s easier to move outdoor time up on your list of priorities.  So let’s take a quick walk through the research on getting outdoors for a walk…

Research shows that children need to spend time in nature for physical, mental and emotional development. Here’s why:

• Nature reduces stress and lowers the risk of depression. Many studies have shown that a relationship with nature and animals lowers blood pressure, reduces stress and wards off depression in both children and adults.
• Children work through issues by playing outdoors. When something is troubling you, how many of us have found quiet and solitude in the outdoors? Nature has a restorative, spiritual quality that enables children (and adults) to think more clearly.
• Outdoor experiences may combat Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Children with ADHD are restless, and have trouble paying attention, listening, following directions and focusing on tasks. Studies have found that TV may increase a child’s likelihood of developing concentration problems, but that nature experiences may improve a child’s ability to listen and focus.
• Children who spend more time outdoors may reduce their risk of obesity and other physical health problems. Forty percent of five to eight year olds suffer cardiac risk factors such as obesity. Two thirds of American children can’t pass a basic physical. There is a growing body of evidence that suggests that contact with nature is as important to children as good nutrition and adequate sleep.
• “Nature smart” children have heightened sensory skills. Outdoor environments challenge, excite and stimulate our senses (while controlled, indoor electronic environments tend to drown our senses with noise and visual stimulation). Outdoor experiences help develop our kids’ sense of sight, sound, smell, taste and touch all at once. Nature connected kids tend to pay more attention to the world around them, often noticing things that others miss. They also tend to do better on standardized testing.
• Outdoor experiences foster more creativity. Natural spaces stimulate children’s limitless imaginations. Children who connect with nature may be more inventive and better problem solvers due to the hands on learning the outdoors provides.

(Research and statistics taken from Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv.)
Finally, in his chapter, “The Spiritual Necessity of Nature for Children,” Louv speaks about the importance of wonder.   “The most important word… to me is wonder. The root of all spiritual life is that early sense of wonder. When was the first time you had that sense of wonder? It may have been something simple: one of my first memories is watching the dust fall in front of a window. But I also remember going out and turning over rocks, and seeing a universe of bugs that lived underneath — a parallel universe. There is another world. When a child listens to the leaves in the trees, they sense something bigger than their parents’ problems. That’s more important than keeping grade averages up…”  Louv continues, “Healing the broken bonds between our young and nature is in everyone’s self interest, not only because aesthetics or justice demands it, but also because our mental, physical and spiritual health depend upon it.”
Despite all the other things on your to do list – and your kids’ calendars – make some time to just be outdoors with your little ones.  It’s not just for fun; their health, and yours, depends on it.  Our time in the Rockies put the day to day worries aside for a bit. Let us breath deeply, talk more quietly, and just be. And those elk are just spectacular creatures up close!    For most of us, this is a gorgeous time of year to kick up some leaves, pick some fruit, collect firewood, walk the beach, or just sit in the quiet.  It will do your body and soul good.

 

Play is the Stuff

It’s fall on the East coast.  Cooler. Wetter. Darker.  Finally, the natural, physical signals that autumn is here.  Inside classrooms, we feel the same physical signs that autumn is in full swing.  The initial “honeymoon” has worn off, we are falling into routines, establishing relationships and digging into the real work of learning.  We barely have 20 days of school under our belts, the sense one gets in many classrooms at our school is that children and adults are known, routines and expectations are clearly understood, and there is a sense of joy in our work and play.  Several times I day, I take a mental break from the cognitive learning and general classroom management and remember a quote from David Elkind:

“Learning teaches us what is known, play makes it possible for new things to be learned. There are many concepts and skills that can only be learned through play.”

Elkind’s research out of Tufts University and his research (numerous articles and books on child development and play) have shaped the way many of us think of children, learning and play.  Indeed, throughout our lives there is much to learn – facts, figures, routines, objectives.  But it is through play that we each grow through analyzing and applying what we know and even evaluate and creating new information.  These last four stages signify higher order thinking which enables children truly make sense of their world and establish an approach to learning and life which will serve them well for years to come.  Play is the “stuff” of which deeper learning is constructed in early childhood and the “stuff” that keeps us enjoying life for years to come.

We’ve seen the real and perceived diminish of play over the past several years in schools, in neighborhood and our own homes.   A host of social, economic and pragmatic reasons have been sited for scaling back on recess and play in schools and in family life, but the tugs to “work” can  excise play from our repertoire.   Decades of research has shown that play is crucial to physical, intellectual, and social-emotional development at all ages.   This is especially true of the purest form of play: the unstructured, self-motivated, imaginative, independent kind, where children initiate their own games and even invent their own rules.  I love watching this in my own classroom.  Two three-years spent 4 consecutive days playing mothering and child, with various scenes involving events familiar to them – resting, riding in the car, going to dance, cleaning up.  Day after day, they resumed these roles – verbalizing directions, assuming roles, dressing and moving like they were characters in Broadway play which included drama, conflict and resolution.  Several days later, one of the children chose to explore play dough. Her partner initially appeared disappointed, but then forged ahead to play both roles herself.  As adults, we giggled, took notes to record the dialogue and marveled at the complex learning which helped these two children understand leader/follower roles, better understand the relationship between parent and child,  enjoy assuming an “adult” role, expand their verbal skills and build a more interdependent relationship with each other.   In another part of our room, two children were using pretend props to create a video game which involved popular characters from cartoon and movies.  While this form of play allowed players to comprehend and application what they have viewed, their imaginations were constrained by the parameters other creative minds (the movie creators, producers, etc.) and their play was fairly limited.  Their play also flirted with destruction and included fighting and weapons, a sure sign that redirection from an adult was required.  With simple reminders to take care of materials and live within the school’s stand to have a safe and friendly environment, their choice in play moved to animals hunting in the wild with the computers and cameras being used to film for a tv show.

So while learning the social norms of school and age appropriate skill sets and information are essential at any level, I am reminded that all children – indeed, all of us — also need time to play.  Not just organized sports or classes, but real play where the primary goal is pleasure.  James Taylor sings about “enjoying the passage of time…” Often in that place of enjoyment, we are learning and growing in ways we don’t recognize right away.  Children can analyze their world and make sense of things through their play, stretch their imaginations, vocabulary and social skills through play.  The “stuff” and lessons of play are layered inside and retrieved for more play, execution of a task, or in new learning.  It’s a wondrous and essential part of childhood that shouldn’t be pushed aside by schedules, pressure to perform in later grades or other external factors, but rather deliberately encouraged and met with whole-hearted  engagement.

 

Survey Says!

Wow! Thanks to the hundreds (literally!) of busy parents who responded to last month’s survey.  Responses came in from Massachusetts, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York, Maine, Florida, Colorado, Texas, Arizona and outside the US from Canada, Australia, the UK, and Italy.  I’m always grateful to learn new things, especially from smart, engaged and curious folks.  This was another example that life has so much to offer in that regard!

The survey asked a broad range of questions on parenting topics.  Your responses will help me guide my writing and work to explain child development, share parenting strategies and resources.

Here’s a snap shot of the data:

• 53% are raising 2 children
• 39% are concurrently working full time
• 82% are raising with another parent
• 35% are raising children without the assistance of a nanny or occasional sitter

This confirms my theory that you all are busy, busy folks who are commitment to your children, your careers and relationships.

• 45% said they agree with their partner most all of the time on parenting decisions
• 47% spend 0-2 hour a month reading or researching parenting/child development
• 88% seek parenting advise from peers, 60% from pediatrician, 37% from teachers/school
• 75% turn to books, followed closely by 71% using internet, for parenting resources
• 54% report having a good handle on parenting and are able to find answers to  your questions
• 75% have questions or concerns about their child’s emotional well being/stems
• 60% have questions or concerns about their child’s social skills

This tells me that you are confident in your role as a parent, but have limited time to get answers to the questions when they arise.  Trusted peers and pediatricians are relied upon. I’ve worked with dozens and dozens of skilled teachers who possess years of expertise in child development.  I’ll be sharing their experience and anecdotes with you.

Those with children in school:

• 69% thought your current school was a good match for your family
• aside from homework, 33% parents spend 6 or more hours with their children a week
• reading, outdoor activities, and a tie between shopping, household chores are the top activities for parents and children
• parents of younger children report pretend play, art and free play are tops
• all age groups responded that left to their own choice, children would self select tv, video games and the computer as activities of choice (Shocking or not so much?)
• nearly half spend 16-30 minutes a day reading with child

It’s always beneficial for you and your child’s school to be on the same page regarding parenting and learning. Homework can take up much of your time outside of school and homework, so prioritizing tasks, setting goals and making the most of those few precious hours you have are key. Lots of you wanted ways to slip learning into the fun stuff.  One of my tasks will be to explain how some of what you already do is laying the foundation for learning or is providing meaningful learning opportunities for you and your child already!

So let me thank you again – first for the important, challenging, and meaningful work you  do as a parent and second for taking the time to share your thoughts.  It will help me to have this glimmer into what parenting is like in the lives of others.

 

Stretching into the First Six Weeks of School

starting school - stretching ourselves in new ways

Many of you wrote with comments and observations on back to school. It’s a ritual that evolves slightly for each of us, but seems to evoke many of the similar emotions no matter our age.  Change is hard on all of us, even when it’s welcome change.  I’ve noticed this year, that the change into the school routine was initially easier on little folks than it is on big folks.  Then as the routine begins to feel real, the little guys have a temporary dwindling of energy and enthusiasm – which often seems to parallel adults exhalations and realizations that they have a little more time on their hands.  Slowly this process levels out and we are in our groove.  In school, we call this period the “first six weeks” – a period of introductions, connections, and learning which sets the tone for individual, class, and school-wide growth for the duration of the year.  I love this time of year. It’s like opening a present and seeing the magical potential it holds.

Last weekend I had time to really consider the first six weeks because last spring I was persuaded by a colleague to run in a half marathon and the big day was upon us.   I was not a runner by any means, so this was a big change for me.  The training  process and the event forced me into a routine and structure,  provided a sense of purpose, enabled me to take risks, and to learn more about myself.  At different stages of training, my basic needs of belonging, significance and fun were met, so that I could take those risks and grow.  Sounds a little like the goals of the first six weeks of school where those basic needs are met while learning about each other, the classroom, and our school community. So in between the local bands on the race course, I found myself comparing training to the start of school. It also kept my mind off the aches and pains knocking at my bones and joints.

The routine and structure of my training was sometimes welcomed and sometime not.  Similarly, most of us feel conflicted about the start of school. We are sad that summer fun is coming to an end and excited about new school shoes, pencils, friends, and fun.  Nearly every time I run, I know that the first 20 minutes will make or break my run. I’ can eiither grumble in my head or focus on whatever else I “should be”  doing, or I can choose to persevere through the first phase and hit my stride so I can go for a while. That old “self talk” about goals, self confidence, overcoming challenges can beat down excuses most days.  As I met with parents in our welcome conferences or talked with fellow parents, I found myself saying similar things to them:  The beginning of any new routine is hard. Consider your child’s needs and your families priorities and set a schedule. Then stick to it. Do not waiver.  It takes 3 solid weeks to establish any new habit or routine. I often think days 7-10 of school are the hardest and if you can stick  to your routine and keep a positive outlook, it will carry you further.  Make it to day 14, and you’ll really see the benefits.  Be honest about the challenges, but affirm the positives and stay focused on the goals. Celebrate achievements. Create rituals.

My sense of purpose for running and this half marathon was deeply personal and forced me to put myself ahead of some things and people I normally defer to.  But I was clear about  why and how I would accomplish this goal and communicated that with those around me. I had to manage my time more efficiently and that’s always a good thing.  In turn, the folks around me respected my commitments, supported my efforts, and sometimes chuckled at my ability to procrastinate.   Understanding the mission and purpose of a school and the values of each family are essential in building a relationship of trust and respect  between home and school.  Identifying reasonable goals and expectations and communicating those honestly and directly helps further that relationship.  Although perspectives, skills and needs may vary or even conflict, in an effective home school partnership, the sense of purpose is always grounded in doing what is best for each child and for the class community.  That can be harder than running 13 miles, but it’s always the goal. Keep focused on the purpose and stay honest. Respect others and be as supportive as you can.

School is about taking risks and learning about oneself and the world. Many adults keep this energy and outlook their entire life, but it’s hard to really step into the shoes of a child and start something  new that’s watched by others.  For me, the subtle social pressure of sharing with others my goal and running with more experienced runners reminded me of  what it’s like for children to take risks in a classroom.  I knew intellectually, folks supported me, but there was still a little voice of uncertainty in my head.  For many kids, that voice squeaks infrequently, but for others, it rages loudly every day.  My job as a teacher is to quell those worries and let them see that anything is possible when we work together.  When we learn something new, we learn more about our own strengths, our peers, and our world. That’s the real joy in teaching – helping kids see the vast potential and all the world has to offer.

On the morning of the race, I truly felt  I belonged there with the other 15,800 runners.   Not that I am an elite nor fast runner, but I had worked hard to be in my corral and was ready to go.  Small, small fish in a big, big pond.  But I was standing next to a great colleague and friend who shared my excitement and nervousness.  We both knew we were there to finish and it didn’t much matter how we got to the boardwalk finish line.  It was a significant accomplishment that taught me to be a better runner, a more balanced human, a more understanding, empathetic teacher and parent.  And man, was it a fun morning!

As for my children, we wrapped up day six in preschool today.  We’re learning our routines, our friends’ names, how to explore and learn from all the amazing stuff our classroom and world offers.  It’s hard work to be three or four and be at school all morning. We’re a bit more tired than we were last week. Sometimes we cry, but each day it gets easier.   Our routines are becoming more internal, we are practicing how to use materials and make transitions.  We are working with parents to communicate the purpose of our program and to learn about their values and hopes for their children.  As we lay the groundwork which will enable each child and family to feel a sense of belonging and significance, the risk taking and learning will naturally unfold.  The process is not a sprint but a half – or maybe full – marathon.  It will require  loads of practice, have its joys and challenges, draw on the strengths of all involved, and rely on the shared sense of purpose to make this an engaging year as our littlest learners stretch themselves in new ways.

finish line

 

Back to School Reads

With about a half of a year of blog-writing under my belt, I’ve already learned that some posts are read quietly and some produce a bit of chatter.  The last post on back to school and what our little bambinos think and feel produced the latter.  It also led to discussions about how to help prepare children, particularly with literature. One of the items alwasy on my August to-do list but never fully executed, is a bibliography of back to school literature.  A few have asked for recommendations, so I’ve once again started that list and share it below.

(Keep in mind that even if school started or starts soon, it’s often helpful to read this type of story before and after the start of school – anytime during the first six weeks of settling in to a school routine!)

1.        Llama, llama Misses Mama - Strange new teacher. Strange new toys.  Lots of kids and lots of noise!  What would Llama like to do?
Llama Llama feels so new. It’s Llama Llama’s first day of preschool! And Llama Llama’s mama makes sure he’s ready. They meet the teachers. See the other children. Look at all the books and games. But then it’s time for Mama to leave. And suddenly Llama Llama isn’t so excited anymore. Will Mama Llama come back?  Of course she will. But before she does, the other children show Llama Llama how much fun school can be!

2. Wemberly Worried - Wemberly worries about everything, especially the impending first day of school. However, when that day arrives, her worries are lightened, and she even finds a friend with whom she has a lot in common.

3. Hands as Warm as Toast - Hands as Warm as Toast is a heartwarming story that any teacher, parent, or student can make a connection to and kids love!  The little girl in the story does not want to leave the side of her mother to go to school on the first day, so her teacher, who has cold hands, comes up with a job for Libby.  The teacher’s magic touch and way with Libby make school a place Libby wants to be a part of.

4. The Kissing Hand - School is starting in the forest, but Chester Raccoon does not want to go. To help ease Chester’s fears, Mrs. Raccoon shares a family secret called The Kissing Hand to give him the reassurance of her love any time his world feels a little scary. Since its first publication in 1993, this heartwarming book has become a children’s classic that touches the lives of millions of children and their parents, especially at times of separation, whether starting school, entering daycare, going to camp

5.  First Day Hooray! - This book stands out from others in that it shows how everyone gets ready for the first day of school: students, teachers, bus drivers, principals and janitors. Nancy Poydar, a former elementary teacher, eases fears by showing that, even though you’re nervous, even though you have ’school dreams’ the night before, everything is ready and turns out fine.

6. First Day Jitters - As this delightful and light-hearted book about the  first day jitters we all get! The first day in a new school has Sarah Jane Hartwell ducking for the covers and trying to stay put. Mr. Hartwell tries to ease her nerves with calm reassurance and wise advice.  But Sarah Jane is convinced that staying home in bed is the answer to her general fears about a new school: she doesn’t know anyone, no one will like her, it’s just too hard and besides, she hates school.  The ending twist will have five and six year olds roaring with laughter!

7. Giggle Wiggle Wake Up - Sammy’s Monday morning routine comes to life in this rhyming text.  Nancy White Carlstrom fills the pages are full of joyful noises as Sammy excitedly gets ready for school, and the fun continues once he arrives with the other children. Parents may want to use the book as a springboard for creating a special First-Day-of-School morning plan with their own children.

Please don’t forget to share the survey site with friends, new connections at school and of course, complete it yourself before the survey closes on September 15th.  Those who include an email address will also be eligible for a $50 American Express gift card drawing!

 

A Welcoming Start

This is the time of year that my family likes me just a wee bit less than usual.  Really.   Lot of big things (classroom environment, curriculum, how will my class community come together, how will my own kids settle in?) and little things (did I spell names right, do I have enough time outdoors with kids, did I order supplies, where are lunch boxes?) dominate my consciousness and zap my ability to be fully present as a parent.   My family loves me and therefore, tolerates and supports this crazy-busy time of year.  Thank goodness!  My energy this week is really focused on a group of children I’ve yet to know but am eagerly awaiting their arrival.

Aside from the multitude of tasks inherent in setting up a classroom,  there are also a lot of  thoughts and emotions floating in and out of my head at this time of year.  Nobody needs to share in that tangled web, but one of the thoughts that I’ve been coming back to is how the start of school really feels to children?  And how do we, as adults, know how they feel?  Not how we think nor remember nor expect them to feel?  But how does it really feel to be in a three, four, five or six year old body getting ready to leave the safety and comfort of your own home or summer routine? I wonder if any of us can honestly understand what it feels like?  As parents and teachers, we like to think it’s a positive experience and a time of joyous expectations.   No adult wants kids to be racked with worry about the start of school, but how do we know what it’s really like? More importantly, how to we help make this cyclical milestone more likely to be positive and exciting?

I liken it to being summoned to a meeting with someone important whom you don’t yet know. No agenda is presented, no task assigned, no preparation outlined and what will happen is completely novel, i.e. you don’t have much in your schema that you will draw upon, except for your own confidence and sense of self.  And your five. you live in the moment and  most actions come from the bottom of your brain.  I don’t think there are many adults who would be eager for that gig. Essentially though, that’s what we ask of kids, especially those starting school for the first time or starting at a new school.  In the best case, kids visit the building and meet the teachers (and maybe peers) ahead of time and often know some of their friends from last year.  There are conversations about what school will be like and what is expected of all parties.  Supplies and clothes are purchased and some of the really great books on back to school are read ahead of time.    The unknown and change lie ahead, schedule pick up the pace or shift, and the lazy days of summer fun come to a close.  Not selling this package to some, I know.

But to the others, the anticipation of starting fresh, reunions with old friends and meeting new friends, adapting to a routine, and hopes and expectations get many excited. That’s the perspective many teaches cling to, perhaps because our own feelings come from the same place.  I spend a lot of time getting my room ready  for the year, with goal of setting the ambiance and tone of a welcoming and inviting place in which a dozen or more children will begin to help turn it into our home away from home.  It’s an obligation which become obsessive, and then my colleagues and I get down to the real business of looking at our program, articulating our professional hopes and dreams, reviewing what we know of children at a particular age, and how we will communication with parents  and families -  and it all comes back and fits into place.

But still, I wonder how it really feels to my little friends?  I”m thinking even more about this  now since I have the distinct privilege and honor of teaching three year olds this year.  While some will have been in day care or other organized programs, this is the first real school experiences.  It’s sort of staggering to me. I’ve heard adults talk about how their early teachers deeply shaped them – for better or for worse – and know that all of us in this profession share the awesome power and responsibility to make the year positive for each child. But that seems like a bigger assignment  this year with my little bambinos.

So I’ve tasked myself to dig deeper this week. I’ve asked parents of little ones and elementary aged kids.  Here’s a sampling:

• can’t wait to give her teacher a hug!
• loves new folders and pencils
• held the welcome letter out like it was  a draft letter!
• acting surly and grumpy right now, (I) hope the teacher doesn’t get the wrong impression
• has bag packed already and is setting alarm clock
• cries because best friend is in a different class

As adults, we know most all of these feelings will come to pass, but the memory may be imprinted for life. I’m trying to put myself in the shoes of children and think about how they feel – in an effort to make my room and my presence feel more welcoming, the classroom feel safe and inviting, and to make this start of school once of the best starts for all of us.  Check back next week to see and hear how we do.

If you want to read more on a kindergarten teacher’s perspective and excitement on back to school, check out the article below:

http://www.centredaily.com/news/local/story/1465311.html?story_link=email_msg

 

Play, more than child’s work

play every day

Summer is a time for play, or at least more play than most of us can squeeze in during the school year.  Ditto for weekends, right?  But after hearing Dr. John Ratey at the Gurian Institute and reading some of his work, I’ve been compelled to read and think more about the role of play in the lives of children and adults.  Now I ask why do so many of us limit play to vacations and weekends? I’m sure I am not alone on this one.  On any given evening, if I asked myself what I did to play today, I’d be hard-pressed to honestly answer that with a real example of play. Yikes!

Stuart Brown writes in Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul that he avoids a strict definition of play, but says there are some key properties of play:

• apparently purposeless – no survival value
• voluntary
• inherent attraction – ah, it’s just plain fun!
• freedom from time
• diminished consciousness of self – you’re in the moment, in your zone
• improvisational potential – open to chance
• continuation of desire

Scott Eberle of the Strong Museum in Rochester, NY sees a six-step process of play, which  players maybe or may not go through in order.  These are:

• anticipation
• surprise
• pleasure
• understanding
• strength
• poise/balance

If you think of children you know, you’ll recognize most of these steps in their play. It’s what they do, and generally, do well. During a week at the beach, children eagerly anticipate a day at the beach with the “best surf.”  There is some surprise in seeing how big the waves are on any given day. There is intense pleasure as bodies are thrown into the surf repeatedly or bounce into the crashing waves, and  then ride boards into the shore.  There is understanding and strength as these actions are repeated building neurological connections which will serve them well in the future (physical strength and coordiantion, knowing their limits, risk taking, appreciation and respect for nature). There is no sense of time, just the sheer pleasure and innate desire to keep at it, at least until the hunger pains cause them to head to the cooler for a quick lunch.

The innate desire in children to play allows them to make sense of their world, solve problems and develop social skills and a sense of autonomy. By “play,” I mean real, imaginary and unstructured play.  Something compelling and  interesting, where the setting, characters, problem, resolutions are devised by the child or with peers – not organized teams or activities.  These traits and our biological drive to play do not need to fade with age, but often, they do.  If we are lucky, we find work that is rooted in many elements of play.  The work we find most fulfilling is almost always a recreation and extension of youthful play. A running coach, an artist, a sailor,  a software designer, a teacher – could each probably identify parts of their playful youth which keeps them returning to a job in a related field now. But play in adulthood can be found in everyday activities such as puzzles, games, sports for the sheer joy, learning about the world or acquiring a new skills.  Learn alongside your kids, and that’s play, too.  How many of us make the time to play each day, where the obligations, task lists, duty to others is set aside for just a bit?  Research is showing that that “down time” yields greater productivity, creativity, and longevity. Really. Play can do that for you, if you let it.

The start of the school year is inherently a time of new beginnings. For me, identifying my hopes and dreams for the school year is more significant than New Year’s resolutions.  Every day is a new beginning but the start of the school year olds such promise for each of us. I’m one of the lucky ones whose work marries vocation with play. No matter what grade I teach, I’m grateful for the opportunity to play – with anticipation, surprise, freedom from time – with children.  My hopes and dreams often focus on goals for my classroom community, but this year, I’m also going to look at how my children engage in play through a refined lense – the long term positive effects of play and what that teaches me about each child have greater importance this year.  Cliche as it is, play is children’s work and early childhood educators and parents can’t do enough to help the world understand to the significance of that work.  Perhaps if adults revisit play themselves and experience the joy and benefits of play, we’ll better understand why it is essential to childhood.  To that end, I’m also making a conscious effort to engage in something playful each day.  Join me.

(Before you go play, would you take a few minutes to share with me what your child does for play and other tidbits about your take on childhood?  Click on the link to the right “SURVEY” or cut and paste this URL into your browser  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=3Wv_2ffaWjOMdXIjqYrvTTwg_3d_3d.  Thanks for your help!)

 

Get On Back To School

school days

The replaying of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” commercial in August raises so many feelings of back to school.  Seems like the summer flew by and the back-to-school busy-iness is starting to creep into our calendars.  Before I let that happen, I will enjoy several days on the beach with a gaggle of kids, plenty of sports gear, and a straw bag of books.  And I bask in the unproductivity of it all!

Given my beach-mentality this week, I was grateful to come across a fantastic article which the author has graciously given me permission to share here.  Mike Brock, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas,  write eloquently about the transition to school and sustaining a solid, child-centered routine.  He co-authored (with Jane Nelson, Cheryl Erwin, and Mary Hughes) Positive Discipline for Christian Families, which is part of the fantastic positive discipline series – definitely something to check out if you are looking for guides on how to minimize conflict, be a more effecitve parent and instill a strong sense of self-control in your child.

In this article, Mike outlines several steps to ease your child and your household back into the routine of school in ways that should minimize the impact and allow you to focus on what your child really needs.  I hope you find a piece or two of this which reinforces what you already do well and gently challenges you to think about school and homelife in a new way.

Enjoy the lingering days of summer before we all have to get on back to school!   Also, f you haven’t already taken the survey, check out the link to the right and then forward this blog to other parents you know.   Survey is open until September 15 and one respondent will win a $50 American Express gift certificate!

7 Parenting Tips for a Happy, Successful School Year
by Mike Brock, LPC, CPDA

Her mother was a fastidious archetype of the 1950s, so fanatical about having the perfect household that she did her children’s homework to ensure it was just right.
-from an August 2008 report in The Dallas Morning News

It’s hard to imagine how things can get so ugly so quickly
just because the word “homework” has come up, but they do.
-Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, 2005

For many children and their parents, returning to school is a joyful occasion—reconnecting with school friends and families, the excitement of purchasing school supplies and new clothes, the return to the comfort and normalcy of the school routine, and, of course, the gift of a little breathing space for Mom and Dad.
But for many other children, the new school year brings with it a large dose of anxiety: Will I struggle like I did last year? Will I make any new friends? Will I be bullied or isolated? Will the teacher like me?
And for many parents, the specter of another year dealing with various school-related issues, perhaps foremost of which is homework, creates its own anxiety, as suggested by the above quotes. To help reduce that anxiety and replace it with a sense of joyful anticipation of what the school year can bring, I offer the following seven parenting tips for a happy, successful school year:

1. Project a positive attitude about school and confidence that your children will experience success and happiness. Communicate to your children through words and body language that you are excited about the new school year and confident they will enjoy it. Children pick up on the messages we send, so make those messages optimistic and hopeful.
2. Establish supportive home routines. The school year calls for renewed attention to home routines, such as those surrounding bedtime, morning, and meals. Children appreciate and thrive on the routines that we parents establish. It gives them comfort and security and better prepares them for the routines and expectations of the school day. One routine consistently correlated with success in school is the family dinner, all family members around the table together—make it a habit as often as possible.
3. Avoid the temptation to make schooling a competitive sport by over-focusing on grades. Our culture is plagued by competitiveness in all areas of life—sports, fashion, looks, talents, wealth, and more. Let’s protect our children’s school experience from this hyper-competitiveness by focusing on their own gifts and talents and avoiding comparisons with others.
4. Remember that homework is a contract between the teacher and the student, not between the teacher and the parent. Somewhere along the way, many parents have come to believe that children are incapable of doing their own homework. This is not good for the child, who needs to learn how to deal with his own responsibilities, or for the parent, whose anxiety level and patience are often strained to the breaking point over homework issues. Homework is the child’s responsibility, not the parents’. (And school personnel need to assist in this area by ensuring that the amount of homework is reasonable and the quality is such that the child is capable of doing it on her own.)
5. Establish family rules related to TV, computer, and video game usage. There is a place for electronic learning (and playing), but every minute in front of a monitor is a minute away from family communication. No one forms a healthy relationship with a monitor; we only form relationships with real people, and home is where those relationships and the life skills surrounding them are born and developed.
6. Make optimum use of parent/child time during trips to and from school. Make travel time between school and home a cell phone-free experience. Think of the message we send our children when our attention is given to others on the way to and from school. And think of the message we give them when we put aside our cell phone and tune into what’s going on in their lives.
7. Avoid the temptation to over-involve your children in after-school activities. Life is getting busier every year for our children, as well as for the parent, usually Mom, whose job it has become to spend late afternoons and evenings as family chauffer. How many activities our children should participate in is a personal choice, and a key word here is balance—for example, one sport at a time might be a good rule of thumb. If we adults insist on leading harried, distracted, overworked lives, let us at least spare our children that. Children need far fewer activities after school and far more family time with Mom and Dad.

And one more tip for good measure: Take care of yourself. I love the metaphor of the oxygen mask, in the familiar words of the flight attendant: “If you are traveling with a small child, put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then on your child.” We are no help to anyone if we are not taking good care of ourselves. Take care of yourself—physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, relationally, and spiritually. Make it a priority—for your sake, as well as for your children’s.

Looking for more? Contact Mike at  mike@mikebrock.org, or www.mikebrock.org