“Where is Your House?”

“Miss Lisa, Miss Lisa…..where is your house?”

Recently one of my wee friends asked that question.  Several times.  Each time I gave him what I thought was just enough facts to answer the question.

He didn’t want to know the name of my street.

He didn’t want to know the name of my town.

He didn’t want to know what it was near.

He didn’t want to hear what it looked like.

Problem was, I wasn’t getting what his question really was about.

He wanted to know where I’d be once school was out.

Then he asked me the same question about our other teacher-friends.
After all, many kids think teachers actually live 24/7 in that school building, right?  We’ve all seen the shock and awe when you bump into a student in the grocery store.  Why would we ever leave that building we live in during the school day? But, what if we left? Where would we be?

As the school year winds down, this little guy – and maybe others -  wondered where we’ll all be.

Soon our schedules, faces, and routines will change. Our sense of identity and community will be challenged. All the work we invested in getting to know each other, building trust, taking risks, learning and sharing, will fold into the fabric of our being , ready to rest  deep inside until we need to draw upon those experiences or until something else triggers our memory.

Look inside any classroom and you can see it. Perhaps it’s masquerading as excess energy, giggles, negative-attention seeking behavior, a lower frustration threshold, apathy, irritability, or challenging well-established rules and guidelines. End-of-the-year angst can strike kids at any age – adults, too.

We may be feeling sadness or disappointment that the friends we’ve come to respect and crave will not be daily fixtures in our lives. We may wonder who will fill that void over the summer and beyond. Is there any wonder behavior begins to change as the year comes to a close?

Listen closely to their wonderings and worries. Help them appreciate all that they have accomplished and what they have to look forward to this summer and beyond. And don’t forget to let them know what you’ll be up to!

How to help children bring closure to the end of the school year?  Check out these short posts:

Looking Ahead – Eight Tips for a Successful Close to the School Year, Wonder of Children blog

A Change Will Do You Good, Wonder of Children blog

 Season’s of the School Year May Flourishings by Chip Wood

The Last Six Weeks of School  by Marlynn Clayton

Tips to Wrap Up the School Year, Scholastic

The Hundredth Post

100th Post!

Yessiree, this is the 100th post of Wonder of Children!   What started as a loose-outlined idea on New Year’s Eve 2008 has grown into a much larger undertaking.  I’m not entirely sure what I expected, but I surely didn’t expect such a large following, nor the discussion and connections on education and child development. I also didn’t expect to be so taken with the process of writing about what I love (teaching, learning, kids).  Despite this gratitude and passion, I found the prospect of writing The Hundredth Post daunting. Overwhelming.  Fodder for procrastination.

Why the pressure? Maybe it ‘s all those “100th Day of School” celebrations and annual hype over the past twenty years in school.  The Hundredth Post felt like it had to be a big bang.   I wasn’t sure I had a big bang in me.  The vast majority of my blog posts just pop into my head as I kid-watch  (like the character Clementine , sometimes “Spectacularful ideas are always sproinging up in my brain”).  When you’re surrounded by joyful, curious children in settings that are methodically designed to bring out the best in children and adults, it’s fertile ground for writing topics, not your typical work.

I found myself  wrestling my monkey mind to get ready to write The Hundredth Post.  In my yoga practice I tried selling myself a dose of self-compassion.  Not much movement.  It wasn’t until a discussion about “anger” with my preschoolers,  that I found the beleaguered centennial post.

A parent in my class was wrestling (rather successfully) to help her child understand and express  in healthy ways, anger and frustration.  No easy task for sure, especially at this time of the school year.  I brought in a stack of picture books on feelings.  We sat for a while reading the pictures.  My group immediately realized they were about “people being mean” or “people making angry faces.”  We talked about the concrete observations (body language and hues on the page), then the conversation quickly turned to personal connections.  When I asked why they thought I shared these books, one response was, “cuz you don’t want us to get angry with our friends.”  That seemed to be a logical response from a four year-old, but I  took the opportunity to share with them “no, I don’t expect that you don’t get angry. We all get angry sometimes….” The discussion continued as we explored what makes us feel angry or frustrated and what we do when we feel those feelings. It’s just the start of the conversation, but it’s a small start.  My message to them when you feel angry or frustrated is to do something that makes you feel better but shows respect and care for others and yourself.

I was reminded that it’s often those unsettled, unresolved, unrealistic feelings or expectations that set us (big and small) off.  We don’t  even realize what is at the heart of that unfettered energy, even as it pings out  unintentionally at ourselves or someone else. Teachers see this in the classroom and parents see this at home. Right?  Just like teaching children to manage their belongings, recognize letters and patterns, jump and hop, we need to also help them learn to identify and manage their emotions. Nothing wrong with feeling angry or frustrated.

Take a gander at some of the options these little guys suggested for dealing with anger and frustration:

• walk away
• breath – sit in the Meditation Station
• use words
• talk to a grown up
• ignore them/it
• read
• draw or “scribble scrabble” or write it

Once again, I find myself learning lessons from my wee friends. Facing those uncomfortable feelings is never easy, but it often leads to bigger and better things. Wrangling over how to write The Hundredth Post wasn’t a big deal, but I let it become big. It was unsettling and festered, when really, it was just another day in the office.

So as long as you’re willing to check in and read the posts, I’ll keep on watching kids and writing.

And now, onto the second Hundred Posts!

Just Breathe

breathe

There’s plenty to fill my  “urgent and important” box these days. Wonder of Children has been put in the “important but not urgent” quadrant, which I wrestled with, but knew was temporarily necessary.  As I watched a four-year-old on the playground recently, I realized I needed to shift gears. (It was also a convenient way to procrastinate last-minute studying for my yoga final exam!)

Throughout the year in preschool, we’ve worked proactively on social skills.  Much of this is rooted in Responsive Classroom approach which focuses on children from kindergarten through sixth grade. For years, I’ve adapted much of this approach to meet the needs of the under-six crowd.  As we worked with 18 preschoolers, most of whom came to school for the first time, it was critical that we focused proactively on social skills.  Milestones resulting from RC practices this year include:

• sharing and asking germane questions by April (that’s a whole other post)
• three-year olds responding to peers with, “when you tagged me like dat, I didn’t like it…ya gotta member that it’s TWO fingas…”)
• a generally amazing transformation with self-help skills

While each of this will leave a lasting impression, and social skills will continue to develop in one form or another.  The teaching breath work and relaxation strategies have made an indelible mark, too.  Several weeks back, we set up our “Meditation Station” and I blogged about that in  6 Easy Things to Teach and Practice Focus.  Since that post, nearly every day, there’s a line to sit there. Seriously. Three- and four-year old boys (and the few girls in our class) wait to take turns gazing into a mirror, holding an object and to just be.  Breath work, or pranayama, has also become a common practice in our class.  I’m sure our Admissions Director, visitors and most other adults who walk in were startled at first, but seeing my preschoolers breathing silently (or loudly doing “lion’s breath“) or in various asanas, but both have simply  become part of our day.

LIke many of the Responsive Classroom practices, our  breath work is proactive – as we settle into morning meeting or gather for a story. It’s grounding, calming, restorative, and fairly quick. The pay-offs are huge – children find their place on the carpet, channel or stir energy needed for brief group time, and learn (consciously and subconsciously) that they can control their bodies in positive ways.  On the other side, we also use pranayama as a tool to help children react or respond when they are feeling out of control.

Meditation Station

The “Meditation Station” is one of those vehicles used to help gain control.  It’s a place to go to when you feel like you need some time alone. It’s a choice a child can make when they begin (or are fully) losing control.  If it’s not available, the breath work we do as a group can be easily done on our own, no matter where you might be.  And they do.

Last week, on one of our “small class” days, I took my children to the hall with pillows, so that I could show them “Legs Up Wall” or Viparita Karani.  We managed to line up, heads on pillows and 18″ legs stretched upward.  When I suggested hands on bellies to feel the air rising, one response was, “hey….just like we do with da duckies!”  (Earlier in the year, we practiced deep breathing by trying to rise and lower rubber ducks on our bellies.)

As we sat on the floor and focused quietly (with giggles) on our breath, we talked about how this really calms our bodies and lets our legs and backs rest.  A few adults walked by and chuckled, and we continued sitting with our legs against the wall as if it was perfectly normal.

Legs-Up-the-Wall

Demands on my personal and professional life have been running high over the past several weeks.  It’s been my own yoga practice and the gift of laughter and love of these preschoolers that has helped keep me focused and breathing deeply when I start to feel overwhelmed.  I know much of what we do in the room is sticking. When I spotted that four-year-old walking around the playground, deliberately tapping each finger once to his thumb as he exhaled, “sa-ta-na-ma,” I smiled, witnessing one of our meditations in action.  Last week, a parent shared a story about how her older child tends to bottle his frustration and then explode.  The younger sib, a preschooler noted, “he needs to just do some breathing and he’ll feel better.”   Wow.

So while teaching children how to identify feelings, express their needs and desires, make and sustain friendship and a whole host of other social skills are utterly necessary, we owe children a smidge more.  In this age of 24/7 information, Tiger Parenting, multiple video and audio inputs,  and over-scheduled calendars are the norm.  Adults are in the unique and necessary position to teach children how to slow down; the barrage of information and demands for attention only increase with age, and we must help equip our children to manage these layers.

Modeling and practicing strategies to proactively and reactively develop greater self-awareness and self-regulation are easy to over look – especially when we are challenged to call upon these skills ourselves. Whether it’s showing them the beauty, wonder and quiet of the outdoors,  how to breathe, or how to let go of the little things, they need us to do that, and we need to do that for ourselves.

Children need to see a range of emotions from adults and positive, healthy ways we manage the emotions,  joys and stresses in life. I’m grateful to share each morning with my wee-ones, and even more grateful when I see them taking these tiny but hugely signficant steps that help them navigate the challenges of the present moment and what lies ahead.

Observe and Imagine, Part 2: Super Heroes and Super Powers

exploring super powers

In the last post,  Observe and Imagine, Part 1, the idea of imaginary play and super heroes revealed  the often blurry line between fantasy and real life in the minds of preschoolers.  But there’s more to the story.

Once I determined that not everyone was clear that while pretending to be somebody else, our class guidelines and expectations were suppose to guide us, we were able to more deeply explore those guidelines.  It wasn’t an easy path to travel, but once we did,  got to do some  truly interactive imaginary play.  And grapple with the super powers we’re all possessed with, but often fail to recognize.

(There were some history lessons in there, too! This part dates me, and probably many of you, because really, how many kids out there know what a phone booth is?)

original Superman...a far cry from cartoons of today

We began with talking about ways superheros from today’s media use their powers.  Having not spent much time in the past several years watching children’s tv (nor did I ever watch much…but I knew enough to know what I did NOT want my kids watching), I was a bit surprised.  Much of the Buzz Lightyear story line was the same, but was it somehow blurred with Cars in the minds of these preschoolers?  Or did Pixar really overlap some of the plots and characters?  I couldn’t answer that one, but it became clear that the basic mission of superheroes seemed be consistent both historically and with what is generally accepted:

"What are Superheroes?"

"Ways Superheroes Use their Powers"

However, what was striking was the ways in which superheroes act.  Whether it’s “really” what is seen on tv or whether it is the way those images are perceived in a preschooler’s mind, the connotations that “good guys” can do what they want and disregard the rules, can be the source of conflict and undesirable social behaviors, particularly in young children who are just learning to internalize the rules and self-regulate.  What I was hearing (and heard from dozens of other kids over the years) is that it was “okay” for superheroes to hurt others in the name of saving someone. Or just ‘cuz they are Superheroes (proper noun).  Which begs the bigger question of whether or not it’s okay to harm someone because you hold the power and/or authority.  I wasn’t going there. Not yet. Maybe ever. Just listen to what some experts think on this juicy topic by clicking here.

In a 2003 article, Beyond Banning War and Superhero Play: Meeting Children’s Needs in Violent Times,  Diane Levin asserts that preschoolers use war play to “work out an understanding of experience, including the violence to which they are exposed.”  This can lead to both therapeutic and cognitive growth as they struggle to work out and understand conflicting ideas – another good reason to establish a climate for imaginary play.  Children also have a need to feel powerful – whether it’s in the words they use, their own physical skills or in they way they engage in imaginary play.  Levin continues, and the research supports, the idea that children use  “war play to help them feel powerful and safe” and often these  are “the children who feel the most powerless and vulnerable.”

Knowing these children as I do,  I am confident the kids most interested in acting out war play are not personally exposed to dangerous situations or people, but rather are those who are exposed to media violence (cartoons, movies, digital media, etc.).   But watching tv is not child’s play. It requires some carefully thought and even a little soul-searching as to what you want for your child.  Consider these two reports:

• A 1994 National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) report stated that “much of what children watch on television is not specifically intended for children” – as much as 90% of what they watch.  Read the entire Position Statement on Media Violence in Children’s Lives.
• The American Academy of Pediatrics  recommends that preschoolers need to participate in nonscreen media experiences that promote language development, socialization, imagination, and physical activity.”

Read the studies. Consider what you want for your child. Then make your choice and stand by it.  I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s simply  not.  But the choices you make today have a lasting impact. More immediately, their daily play reveals what they see and what they are sorting out.

After a couple more days discussing super heroes and their powers, I happen to mention  that in “the old days” superheroes did take care of people, but that the superheros I knew when I was a kid, saved people and did far less hurting of others. Heads turned. Hands went over mouths. And one small, skeptical voice said, “So what’s so super about that?”

“Well, ” I began, “each of us has our own super powers. It’s how we choose to use them that makes us super or someone who hurts other or something in between.”  The ensuing conversation gave me a sense of relief that those who previously didn’t think “bad guys” had feelings and/or that they deserved to be hurt, were starting to see people as people.  I went on to tell them that the “original” Superman was  a regular guy who went to work in a suit and hat. When he needed his superpowers, he went into a phone booth and changed into his Super Man suit.  Adults old enough to remember this giggled as the passed by our room, particularly when I attempted to explain the whole phone booth part.

To help illustrate my point that we can all call upon on super powers, and to provide us with the feel of a phone booth, we set to work planning how to build one.

Next week, I’ll tell you how these:

Superman's Phone Booth

…became Superman’s phone booth and let us harness our own super powers.

Observe and Imagine, part 1

One of the qualities of good teaching is solid and honest observational skills. When we suspend judgment and simply watch children, they reveal so much to us. Their emotions and ideas are revealed in raw and authentic ways, particularly when the established environment and relationships lend themselves to a sense of belonging and significance within the group. With this back drop in place, young children are freed to deepen relationships, explore, and grow.

A quick peek into a classroom may look like simple play, but there is a complex infrastructure set up to foster that sense of belonging and significance and to beckon children to explore materials and ideas. Such provocations arise from listening to and observing children. As this work unfolds, both adults and children are poised to gain new knowledge and closer relationships within their community.

Recently, a pattern in imaginative play became apparent as observed a group of children and reflected on a series of notes. Much like other groups of three- and four-year olds, I noticed a growing interest in and propensity for super hero play. At first, it was simple dialogues- short queries that kept me up to date on Buzz Lightyear and Transformer trivia. It was apparent that this group shares a certain history in watching these videos, and a collective depth of knowledge. Little by little, the conversations with me expanded to peer-to-peer dialogue. And then were disagreements over seminal facts that often stumped me (Is Bumblebee a vehicle from Cars or part of Transformers? Depends on who you ask.). In the tradition of oral story telling, these stories were exaggerated, dramatized or expanded upon by the narrator, and seemed to change slightly with each iteration. While this was intriguing to me, it sparked passionate discourse among preschoolers. In an effort to quell the debate, I suggested some illustrations might let everyone share their ideas of this particular storyline.  (Photos to follow in a subsequent post…limited Internet service is causing some technical difficulties.)

sketching Batman

Research tells us this imitative imaginative play is one of the early stages in play scenarios and social play. By age 3-4, children have experience using materials in ways that represent what they have experienced – feeding a doll, push a fire truck, roaring like a lion. Using these external themes, Children can act out short themes by themselves or alongside a peer. There may be a clear, concrete plan, but as children get deeply engaged, they also become hyper-focused. Their ideas are their own and it’s hard to see the point of view of others. (e.g. The debate prior to sketching Buzz Lightyear). Nancy Carlsson Paige and Diane Levin, in their book, Who’s Calling the Shots describe this play as “more like static slides than a movie.”  Children are engaged in their play and not the real world. Things are black and white, Good guys and bad guys exist and it’s just that cut-and-dry.

By observing the content and progression of this type of play, it was clear that a critical mass of children were exploring those typical aspects of play – good versus evil, power, and social interaction. This play is rich with learning  opportunities. While it’s important for children to learn to navigate play together, it is still essential to keep a close eye and ear to what was going on behind the scenes. And the more I did that, the clearer it was that we had a dilemma brewing: how can we explore these seminal issues of power, use if imagination, and social justice themes while still abiding by our class guidelines that keep everyone safe and having fun?

Soon thereafter, we revisited our class guidelines at Morning Meeting. I asked, what’s one way you take care of friends when you play?”  Responses were spot-on:

Be nice
Share stuff
Ask ‘em to play

I pushed further:  How can you take care of friends when you’re imagining to be someone else?

Silence.

Whoops. This was over their heads. At three and four, applying conventional rules to pretend roles didn’t compute. I had to back up.

The next day, I started with small group conversations comparing pretend and real life. Some children did seem to understand that pretend is imaginary but we still have to take care, be safe, be respectful. Others seemed to think that pretending to be a dog, a mom, a superhero meant you transcends the rules of everyday humans. For the most part, chronological age correlated with how children saw the intersection of pretend and our rules. Those closer to four could see the connection, with some help; the younger ones were adamant that imaginary play offered them amnesty from rules.

Clearly, my language and strategies had to shift.

I began to phrase things like, “animals in the wild might fight and scratch, but in school, when we are pretending to be animals, we need to be safe.”Many days passed with this kind of direct identification, and I began to see and hear how more children understood that pretend isn’t a get out of jail card in the rules of life.

Stop back next week for the follow-up on how this story unfolds to include our own super heroes.

Meanwhile, if you want to read more, see Who’s Calling the Shots? How to,Respond Effectively to Children’s Fascination with War Play and War Toys

6 Steps to Build Perseverance

persevere

Perseverance. Determination. Stick-to-itiveness.

The first two bring to mind motivational posters seen in the cubicles of the NBC comedy, The Office. The third is one of those pesky-words from a basal text-book I read in fifth grade.  Neither of which call to mind young children. But I know (because I see it every day) that children are persistent and determined, especially with the careful guidance of adults.

It’s the middle of the year, and while I don’t know if or when winter will arrive, I do know in our school and elsewhere,  children  exhibit the kind of perseverance that manifests itself in later life on the playing field, in the board room and in personal relationships. I bet you know kids like this, too.

Preschoolers and Prek children have left the comfortable and safe nest called home all year to take those first steps towards independence at school and beyond.  By now, they’ve acquired the skills and courage to hop out of the car, mosey onto the playground and care for belongings with very little assistance from adults. They are articulating their wishes and needs and have the neophyte skills for basic conflict resolution.  The feed themselves snack and clean up. They’re learning  hopscotch, one-to-one correspondence, to predict what might happen in a book and to try new things with music and art.  Life might be easier to hanging out at home, but they are showing up at school,  ready to take on new challenges and gain new skills. They’ve tried and tried again. They’ve made dozens of baby steps for which the sum total is a magnificent step in their growth and development.  The same sort of recap could be made for most children at any grade level.

How to foster and develop persistence in young children?  Six basic step that could be followed in a myriad of action plans effective adults use for themselves.  Tailor the specific language and steps to the developmental age of your child and take into account the individual nature, strengths and needs of the child.

1. Name it.
Perseverance  As Jamie Lee Curtis says in Big Words for Little People, “PERSEVERANCE is to try and to try, even though you might want to give up and cry. When doing a puzzle that puzzles your mind, you persevere till the right piece you find.”  When you notice your child sticking to a task, point it out. “Hey, I see you turned that puzzle piece around and around until it fit. That’s perseverance!” Or with older children, “I notice that you made some changes to your essay that really support your topic sentence.” Clear, specific, honest.

2. Teach self-talk
What does perseverance sound like or feel like inside? It’s often hard to recognize and even harder to develop without coaching.  What phrases resonate for you? For your child? How about:

• “I think I can, I think I can.”
• “Don’t give up the ship!”
• “Try, try again!”

With older kids (9-10) surf the net together to find quotes or biographies of folks your child admires – politicians, athletes, philanthropist. There is much written about such persevering people like Michael Jordan, Helen Keller, Gary Paulson, Amelia Earhart and dozens of others.

3. Help Set a Goal
This is a learned skill many adults still struggle with.  Sit down and talk about goals, your child’s own goals and those which you have in common.

• Establish baby steps so that by starting small, they are attainable.
• Build autonomy by having your child put for the effort, record progress, or solve new problems which arise.
• Be open to possibilities or to see things differently; let your child take the lead and don’t be wedded to an outcome you are seeking.
• Be the reality check for your child. Children are notorious for seeing things larger than they are and need help keeping things in perspective. If they want to raise $1,000 for the Red Cross, lay some ground work to explain what a large undertaking that is and help pare down the project and goals to a more attainable scale.
• Applaud effort – not perfection. ‘Nuf said.

4. Positive Spin – “Believe and  you can achieve”
If a child is to believe they have the capacity, skills and the confidence to meet goal, they need to see, hear and feel that you believe that they can accomplish that goal – especially when their confidence is wavering. Be watchful. Listen. Notice. Share clear, specific and positive ways that you observe them putting forth effort and accomplishing small steps toward the larger goal.  This will likely fuel them into taking the next step, too.

5. Provide Reminders
It’s no news that children have short memories. And if they’re tweens/teens, remember their brain is rewiring itself for adult life and at times, they are neurologically younger than they appear.   What seems like a fabulous and extensive project one day, could easy be cast aside or forgotten about in a day or a week. By breaking big projects into small steps, they can work little by little and day by day. Provide reminders about the big goal and prompts to ignite their interest in the small steps. And it’s okay to take a breather from a bigger project; in fact, scheduled breaks help children learn to sustain the energy to engage in long-term projects and learning.

6. Set Up Supports
Rome wasn’t built in a day. We all have set backs.  Remind your child that once a task has begun, it’s important to see it through completion (there are always exceptions, but be sure to make abandoning a goal the exception and not the habit or rule). Use tips 1-5 to talk about the smaller steps that lead to a larger goal. Use examples from your own life where you’ve felt like giving up but persevered. Or call on those characters from the good books you’ve found.  There’s an old Chinese proverb, repeated often by Lance Armstrong, that says, “fall down 7 times to get up 8.”

All kids have passions. Determining what that passion is and how to authentically support it can be the rub for parents. Ask, talk, listen to what your child is passionate about and find out what has deep meaning for them. Find a project for them to pursue  and practice these steps to fostering perseverance.  Summer perfect time to tap their passions, scaffold learning of new skill and let kids show their ability to persevere.

6 Easy Things to Teach and Practice Focus

preschool "meditation station" - a place to practice breathing and focus

Last week’s blog, Focus,  offered some background on focus, mindfulness and executive function.  This week’s blog focuses (bad play on words, I know!) on a few quick activities that can be easily used to help build focus in young children.  With some minor tweaking and creativity, they can also be adapted with older children.

It’s easy to bring more focus into your day with young children with just a bit of planning and thought.  The first step is to ready yourself to be  focused. Be clear on your priorities, both long- and short-term.  Be mindful of the values, rituals and goals you have for your child. Keeping in mind your  beliefs and hopes, as well as what is developmentally appropriate for children at any given age.  Of course, you also need to take an honest look at your unique child.  Not every child is born to be a soccer player, to read at age five, to play an instrument with grace and skill, nor be destined for an ivy league college.  But each child has his own gifts and talents, ready to be acknowledged and celebrated, as well as growing edges and needs that require your nurturing support.  Read the literature on what to expect at each age and stage; suggestion can be found on the Book Shelf and below and think about the path you and your child are taking.

Hopefully, you can carve out time everyday to be focused and present with your child, or others. As Jon Kabat-Zinn said,

“The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.”

Children watch, learn and develop their own habits and outlook by watching those closest to them.  Do they have the opportunity to see you focused and calm?

One you’ve got yourself focused, here are six things you can do to help develop focus in young children:

1. Give ‘Em Jobs – Putting on coats independently, sorting laundry by color, finishing what’s on their plate before getting more (or desert), walking the dog, putting groceries away.  Raise the bar, give them some time and encouragement – see what they can accomplish. Don’t expect perfect, just approximation!
2. Stop and Start – With little guys, try Stop/Start – Old fashion games like “Red Light/Green Light” or Freeze Dance or “What time is it Mr. Fox?” let children practice moving and stopping.  Sometimes inhibiting action is a tough, but making it fun helps secretly develop the mental wiring that leads to self-control. With older children, give them the space and expectation to mono-task – a puzzle, a walk, a game, setting the table.  No screens, no music, no distractions.
3. Speaking and Listening – Practice taking turns listening and speaking. Tough task with kids, for sure!  One of the most easily accessible activities in Tools of the Mind is modeling what a reader and a listener both do. By providing a photo of an ear and a mouth, children have a concrete visual reminder of what their task is – and have a greater likelihood of inhibiting the impulse to talk when they are the listener and to “reading” the pictures or words when it is their turn.
4. Play – Yes, play. Old-fashion play with puzzles, sorting games, imaginary play that lets kids develop their own story line (not the latest Disney movie story line).  Nothing fancy, but if you are looking for flash, test drive computer games ahead of time to see what it really asks of a child. Ditto for TV.  It’s not always all bad, so look for content that is age-appropriate and meaningful. Preview or watch with your child to discuss elements of the show – can s/he recall characters’ names? Sequence events? Both require activation of working memory.
5. Breathe – Sounds simple enough, but taking a few minutes throughout the day to get grounded and breath deeply goes a long way.  I see this every day with children – whether they are physically worn out, emotionally drained or exuding energy at a time they need focus, working with them to breathe deeply and fully enables them to focus on what is immediately ahead. This works wonders for adults, too!
6. Look in the Mirror (or smart phone) - Gallinsky cites a “time famine” wherein we are all strapped for time, energy and resources.  Take a critical look at your own time and how you use it. Can you model for your children being more fully present? To stop when you say you’re stopping (years ago my kids figured out that “five minutes” in Mom Speak is “more like a half hour!”)  Consider disconnecting for a period of time every night so you can give your full attention and focus to your family. Your kids will appreciate it, and you might even find some of what comes in can sit untouched in your in box!

Curious? Read more:

For Kids, Self-Control Factors into Future Success

Mind in the Making

What is Executive Function?

Planting the Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness With Children

Tools of the Mind

Teen Brain: It’s Just Not Grown Up Yet

Dr. Joann Deak, The Deak Group

What works for you? What works for your child(ren)? Share your experiences by leaving a comment below.

a calming rock

Focus.

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Focus. Mindfulness.

Often hard to establish.

Often hard to maintain.

But how do we teach focus to children if we have trouble ourselves? How do we embrace them with mindfulness with others if we cannot obtain that ourselves?

I’ve been thinking loads about how to foster this behavior in children, but ironically, found myself having greater difficulty staying focused on teaching, writing, homework, and a handful of other duties.  I tried to bring my mind back to the task at hand, it occurred to me that one of the most obvious similarities between yoga and teaching young children,  is the teaching and practicing focus and mindfulness.

The trick is, most of us are challenged every day by a flood by multiple sources of information nearly 24 hours a day.  Despite all the benefits technology brings, our collective ability to mono-task is easily impaired.  Don’t believe me? Google “mono task” “digital age” “focus”.  Spare yourself the distraction and read  ”Attached to Technology and Paying a Price.”

We’re all doing it – losing focus in an effort to do more.  For folks like me, it might be time to stop doing it – all of it – for ourselves and for the ones who are watching us on a more regular basis. Perhaps we need to practice those Executive Function skills related to focus and self-control so that what we model for young children serves them, and us.

(What the heck is Executive Function?  It’s set of skills your brain uses to do all the other stuff you do. The prefrontal cortex and frontal lobe tells all the other parts of the brain what to do – things you do every day like – memory, attention, focus, inhibition, problem solving,multi-tasking, monitoring of action.

Science tells us that the maturation of the prefrontal cortex and frontal lobe occurs at age of 25 or later.  It’s also is a vivid reminder that we cannot expect our children to act rationally or logically nor even with much self-control.  But we can – and must – help them develop those skills beginning early on.

One of the best resources on this topic is Ellen Galinsky’s Mind in the Making.  This is a research-rich book that reads much like a conversation with a trusted friend unfolds. Gallinsky’s research outlines seven “essential life skills” ranging from focus to engaged learning.   The book also supports the work of Tools of the Mind – a Vygotskian approach to early childhood rooted in provided children with the tools and practice they need to develop self-regulation and greater autonomy.  Both books offer ways to explore young children’s capacity to focus. Either are worth a read if the topic is on your mind, too.

Check back next week for 6 easy things you can do to teach and practice focus in young children, as well as more resources.

Resolutions and New Days

photo courtesy of E. Wells

If you’re like me, you’ve heard more than enough about new year’s resolutions.  (After I wrote that, I was re-reading old blog posts – funny thing, a similar thought was posted last January in Here We Go, 2011 ).  I’m really not being redundant!

As the calendar changes, so do outlooks, diets, and  exercise habits.  The thing is, the new year is just a new day. Just each of the other 364 days in the year. And the first week in January is one of 52 new weeks we get to start. Is there a need to fuss over new year’s? Instead, could we set a strong example each day or each week?  This  process of self-reflection and growth helps children take ownership for their learning and their life and can=, in fact, become a routine part of life that surface more often simple new year’s resolutions.

In many elementary classrooms, the idea of resolutions is evident  at this time of year. Often September hopes are revisited and revised mid-year and there is some discussion of growth.  As a Follow Up To, Here We Go, I wrote about how one third grade class worked through the arduous process of reflection and goal setting. Some of those kids have stopped by recently to tell me what current hopes and goals they’ve set.  Very cool to see how they use that  example and forge ahead in their new developmental stage.  In many classrooms, January is the time to stop and practice these important life skills. But the key lies in using that reflection on personal and academic growth on a more regular basis.

As young children struggle to understand the concept of time (“this year” s. the school year that is barely halfway over) and begin wrestle with how to achieve lofty goals, they are beginning the lifelong process of evolution. To do this, they need thoughtful adults to help them identify the objectives and tasks requisite toward achieving any type of  goal. Concrete thinkers can to begin to identify  their growing edges and decide the next steps – beyond meeting  obligations that yield extrinsic rewards. The challenge for supportive adults is to keenly and authentically ask questions and observe in order to discern what is truly important to the child and to work collaboratively to set small steps of achievable objectives.  Practice with these steps – identification of areas to grow or change,  breaking down larger tasks into smaller one, and  diligently working to move forward – are life skills that serve children throughout their schooling and life.

No matter how valuable this process is, the truth remains that each of us have the power to set goals each day, not  just each year. Just like an intention set during a meditation or at the start of a yoga practice daily goals can be simple and actionable, not to mention, heart-felt.  When we are honest and compassionate with ourselves, we can set small and achievable goals every day for both ourselves and alongside children.  As we model  honest self-reflection and clearly identified purpose, children can see how being mindful and open to growth each day brings positive results.

In the classroom, this might be something as simple as, “think of one way you can take care of our materials today” or “what is one hard thing you think you might try in math workshop.”  Follow this up with reinforcing language (“I noticed you took some time to straighten the books in our biographies basket…”) or time at the end of the day for a quick check-in (“how did it feel to try the math challenge?”) and you’re taking a child to the next step.  Beyond just thinking of what could be done better, more thoroughly or with a greater sense of purpose, you are offering  keen observations and carefully crafted questions that help to  build confidence, autonomy and positive attitude on learning and life.

That’s more than a new year’s resolution. It’s a fresh start each and every day.  All the best in the new year and each new day!

Keep On, Keepin’ On

Years ago I had a student teacher who really, really disliked these little yellow smiley faces. We laughed about it often, but since then, I rarely think about them.  In the midst of a fairly chaotic morning, I caught sight of a car in the parking lot with one of these stickers on it and it made me giggle.  Short of a spontaneous laughter yoga workshop, giggling at the sticker and remembering what a daily struggle my early years as a teacher were (as they are for nearly all new teachers).  It also reminded me that I had it in me to keep on keepin’ on.

The first day back from any vacation is always a challenge,  especially given that most of our wee ones only come three days a week. It’s been eons since we’ve all been together, so I intended  to take it slowly today. Nonetheless, the energy was building. Everyone, big and small, had needs today. Urgent needs. Serious needs. Not-so-serious needs. Heart-felt, excited needs.  I felt like Jonathan Fields’ when he tweeted “Morning Friends. Who can I Help Today?”

Just as I began to wonder if I actually had enough in me to help all those in need, one of our wee ones summoned the words and his empathy to aid a friend. “Oh, I can show you. This puzzle goes like this!”  In a few short moves, he helped replace a puzzle that toppled, thereby preventing  a major melt down by the timid-one who knocked it over.  Smocks didn’t go on straight. We couldn’t allow everyone to drop an entire cinnamon stick in the applesauce we were making (after all, we will eat it tomorrow!).  Snack was needed soon to counter the dropping blood sugar levels.  Bathroom trips simply could not happen simultaneously, but rather as  a chain-reaction.

Mid-morning I walked of the gym, leaving them with their dear P.E. teacher for a short spell when  I heard a tragically sad, “Miss Lisaaaaaaaaaah!” Within a nanosecond, I saw the same dear P.E. teacher gently console our friend and give him the important job of helping her set up their circuit course.  Then there was the hanging on the bookshelf that nearly caused the it to topple, had I not jumped out of my shoes at caught it at a 45 degree angle.  Fortunately, the only thing that lost its battle with gravity was a luscious lavender plant.  So we christened the new electric broom and walked around sniffing lavender sprigs.

Things – especially me – were feeling unsettled.

I called upon some deep breathing exercises to channel my own energy and tried to forge ahead. It wasn’t coming and that was more frustrating that any of the minor fires I had been putting out.  I thought about that yellow smiley face and that stage in my career.  Maybe my student teacher didn’t like it because it seemed to simply life, and I knew teaching was a lot of things, but it is not simple, but it is good for loads of smiles.  I pondered how I managed to integrate so many routines, strategies, philosophies and practices rather quickly so early in my career.   Decades later, much of that is second nature, but it wasn’t making itself available to me very easily today.  I watched my skilled and graceful assistant gather the group and read a story and thought, “Gee, that looks easy. Get back in the saddle, Lisa!”  I know children are excellent barometers of how the adults around them feel and the energy we put out.  If I  didn’t rein in what I had going on, it would be contagious…soon!

We weathered the morning in large part, due to the strong foundation of routines and relationships we’ve built over the past three months.   I trust and can rely on my teaching partner; watching her reminded me I wasn’t alone and that we had a great thing going with these little ones.  The routines we established eventually fell into place this morning as we slowed down and helped find activities that appealed to each child at that moment.  Our wee ones had come to trust and rely on us even as they are gaining a stronger sense of themselves.  Before we knew it, it was about time to begin clean up and closing circle.

Was today a struggle emotionally and physically? Yup!  By 12:30 both teachers were beat, 6 kids were getting settled at rest down the hall, and it’s likely  the other 10 were nearly asleep en route home.  This morning was reminder that you just have to keep on keepin’ on.  The challenges were sure to be short-term and like so many things in life, were fleeting and transitory.   Breathing and  laughing were the short-term solutions that provided the stamina to round out the morning.  A bit of Patience, Grasshopper  combined with conversations with colleagues and reflections about the morning provided the strategies for the bigger picture – not to mention a few good laughs and encouragement that tomorrow is a new day!

But the real pay off in keepin’ on were the sleepy-eyed hugs, the giggles, pinky-waves and humongous smiles as we said good-bye. Preschoolers are all about keepin’ on – every morning is new territory, ready to be tackled no matter what the terrain. Their joy and love of life is the best motivator to keep on keepin’ on!